Memories of Connor's Adventures

Orlando the Adventurer pulled a Scimitar from beneath his Robes and smiled...

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Vocator Jarno: Dungeons & Dragons returns to film...again. Warner Bros. look at Game of Thrones, stick it in a blender with Guardians of the Galaxy, a copy of the Hobbit, Peter Dinklage, and add a bottle of pina colada...and switch on. they dont get an awesome megaprofit fantasy franchise. Dungeons and Dragons isnt that. Its the setting they needed, not a game engine. Forgotten Realms. Greyhawk. These are settings. A tv series might suit them better. But core characters come and go. Arko the thief that everyone liked at the beginning of the pilot when he sells the Paladins warhorse out from under killed when he fails that disarm traps roll and has his skull crushed by a block of stone.
Finn the farm boy who joined at the beginning of Season two tries to swing across a crevase with the drow foster daughter of Kayand in his arms but they fall to their doom when he takes a crossbow bolt mid-swing.
Thats the nature of the game...characters die and the players introduce the new character as opportunity presents.
Thats not a film. Its barely even Game of Thrones (no one will take it well when Tyrion gets stabbed to death by Arya come season seven).
We are uncertain if we even want to see a film based on Hank the Ranger, Sheila the Thief, and friends.

Perhaps we can hope for Jeremy Irons as Bargle...combined with paint your wagon musicalness...where Bargle sings the Pina Colada he tortures Peter front of Aleena.

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