Linguistic Archaeology: Into the Dungeon

Dungeon in every language
1. Dungeon
2. Biruce
3. Durideni
4. Znzana
5. Zndan
6. Zindan
7. Andhakupa
8. Ziega
9. Padziemiellie
10. Tumnitsa
11. Htaunghteli
12. Balong
13. Dilao
14. Tamnica
15. Zalar
16. Fangehul
17. Kerker
18. Dungejon (esperanto)
19. Piitan
20. Tyrma
21. Donjon
22. Dzunts
23. Verlies
24. Bountroumi
25. Andharakotadi
26. Dungeons
27. Kurkuku
28. Luawai
29. TJN*K
30. Tahakhaane
31. Qhov av kaw neeg
32. Pen jara bawah tanah
33. Prigione
34. Danjon
35. Guo
36. Kattalakoneyalli
37. Dunie
38. Kouk ngngut
39. Jiha gam-og
40. Binerd
41. Or
42. Duk dam ban
43. Casus belli
44. Pozemis
45. Zandana
46. Trano-maizina
47. Tatavara
48. Purupa
49. Andharakothadi
50. Shoron
51. Kalakothari
52. Fangehull
53. Ndende
54. CNC*
55. SIAECHAL
56. Loch
57. Masmorra
58. Bhohare
59. Temnita
60. Podzemelye
61. Falepuipui
62. Gomba
63. *N*N
64. Donjiyan
65. Zalar
66. Chankaneng
67. Calabozo
68. Shimoni
69. Dunaj
70. Nilavaraiyil
71. Cerasala
72. Kru
73. Pidzemellya
74. *AN*
75. Ham nguc
76. Umhadi
77. Danjan
78. Ejele

Popularity of Use
A         %          E         %         I         %           O          %         U         %
49      62%      30      38%    32       41%      28       35%     23        29%

B         %          C         %         D         %          F          %         G         %
10     12%        8       10%     22      28%        3         3%       13       16%

H         %          J         %         K         %           L          %         M         %
17      21%       9       11%     14      17%        22      28%      17        21%

N         %          P         %        Q          %           R          %         S         %
40      51%     10       12%     1          1%        22        28%     11       14%

T         %          V         %         W         %           X          %         Y         %
17      21%      4          5%       3          3%         0          0%      6          7%

Z          %
12         15%


Words by Popularity of use
68% A:
51% N, A: *N*N, *AN*
41% I, N, A:
38% E, I, N, A:
35% O, E, I, N, A:
29% U, O, E, I, N, A:
28% R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Ndende, Or, Dunie, Dilao, Durideni,
21% H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Umhadi, Temnita,
17% K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Kru, Kalakothari,
         Andharakothadi, Tahakhaane, Kurkuku, Andharakotadi,
         Kerker,
16% G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Kouk ngngut, Guo,
         Prigione, Htaunghteli, Dungeon,
15% Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Zalar, Trano-maizina,
         Zandana, Zalar, Ziega, Zindan, Zndan, Znzana,
14% S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Shimoni, Masmorra,
         Shoron, Dungeons, Dzunts, Tumnitsa,
12% P, B, S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Gomba,
         Bhohare, Purupa, Pozemis, Duk dam ban, Binerd,
         Bountroumi, Piitan, Balong, Padziemiellie, Andhakupa,
11% J, P, B, S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Ejele, Danjan,
        Dunaj, Jiha gam-og, Danjon, TJN*K, Donjon,
        Dungejon (Esperanto),
10% C, J, P, B, S, Z, G, K, H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A: Ham nguc,
        Cerasala, Calabozo, Chankaneng, Loch, SIAECHAL, CNC*,
        Casus belli, Tamnica, Biruce,
7% Y, C, J, P, B, S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A:
       Pidzemellya, Donjiyan, Kattalakoneyalli, Tyrma, Podzemelye,
5% V, Y, C, J, P, B, S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A:
       Nilavaraiyil, Tatavara, Verlies,
3% W, F, V, Y, C, J, P, B, S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A:
       Falepuipui, Fangehull, Pen jara bawah tanah, Luawai,
        Fangehul,
1% Q, W, F, V, Y, C, J, P, B, S, Z, G, K H, M, T, R, L, D, U, O, E, I, N, A:
      Qhov av kaw neeg,
0% X

Conclusion: At 51% we get the first words for Dungeon in Sindhi (*N*N) and Urdu (*AN*).  Both language groups located in Pakistan. This is regionally specific.
At 28% existence of the Dungeon has spread in an intact word form to the languages Nyanja (Ndende) in south-east Africa, Kyrgyz (Or) and Kazakh (Dunie), chinese (Dilao), and Amharic (Durideni) in Ethiopia. Its possible the first dungeon was located in the Indus Valley Civilization. This might suggest an as yet undiscovered dungeon. Even if its just an outdoor hole with a cage door over it which is pretty standard for confining prisoners.
Or it could be an elaborate subterranean maze of hallways and rooms filled with orcs sitting on treasure chests into which adventurers delved...

Temporal Disaster: Timelords are Chameleonic in nature

If you dont get that you have not been paying attention.

Art Folio: Ice Castle of the Demon Lord

You see a castle in the distance...

The Cleaves: An Idea deserving of revival...

A long time ago an idea happened in which adventurers travelling by Dimension Door Transit Service thanks to an NPC Wizard between the Villages of West Cleave and East Cleave which straddled a miles long fissure didnt reach their destination.
They were infact deposited in a megadungeon located in the interdimensional space that all Dimension Door spells took a shortcut through... a Dungeon that Became known as The Cleaves.

The Cleaves were accessible only by Dimension Door error.  To make matters worse, the Cleaves were constantly shifting, so even though you might stumble across an all to familiar room in the Cleaves, the rooms that linked to that rooms would likely not be the same rooms that were there previously.

A dungeon you could access from Greyhawk, or Forgotton Realms, or Mystara by nothing more than the failure of a Dimension Door Spell. A dungeon you could use as a shortcut between those worlds and others... exiting a cave into a dust storm to find yourself surrounded by guys in dusty robes with hoods armed with AK-47s.

With a card deck dungeon, the deck from which you drew your vast megadungeon would be ever randomly expandable by further decks.

And there would be other decks. The Cleaves would come with Trap, Treasure, Monster, and Special Encounter card decks. So an adventurer might encounter a Displacer Beast with natural Scalemail armour covering its body, voices whispering, a key to allow your party to finally Dimension Door out of the Dungeon, a black spider wand, a dungeon room where water flowed from a hole in the ceiling like a waterfall into a hole on the floor and was a perpetual loop, a bed-knob of flying.

And it all became a kind of community built and shared D&D Setting owned by no-one specific, though I went and created a card deck of 101 Treasures of the Cleaves by drawing crappy artwork.

Heroic Memes: They had you at Brothel

One episode in and they got the Angel laid...

Crappy Manga: Deep Dungeon Delve

There is something important you need to remember about Dungeons...

Linguistic Archaeology: I put a curse on you...

Curse in every language
1. Curse
2. Vloek
3. Mallkim
4. Irigimani
5. Laenatan
6. Anitsel
7. L*N*T
8. Abhisapa
9. Madarikazio
10. Praklion
11. Prokletstvo
12. Proklyatie
13. Kyanehcar
14. Malediccio
15. Sumpa
16. Zuzhou
17. Malidizioni
18. Kletva
19. Kletba
20. Forbandeise
21. Mabeno (esperanto)
22. Needus
23. Kirous
24. Malediction
25. Maldicion
26. Tsqevla
27. Fluch
28. Katara
29. Sapa
30. Madichan
31. Laana
32. Eke
33. K*
34. Abhishaap
35. Foom
36. Atok
37. Bolvun
38. Obubu Onu
39. Kutukan
40. Mallacht
41. Maledizione
42. Noroi
43. Kutuk
44. Quargis
45. Dakbntasa
46. Jeoju
47. Nifir
48. Kargis
49. Dakan
50. Maledicite terrae
51. Lasts
52. Prakeikimas
53. Fluch
54. Ozony
55. Laknat
56. Sapam
57. Sahta
58. Kahu
59. Kharaal id
60. Srapa
61. Forbannelse
62. *NC
63. DNAL
64. Przeklenstwo
65. Maldicao
66. Sarapa
67. Blestem
68. Proklyatiye
69. Faamatala
70. Mallachd
71. Tuka
72. Sapaya
73. Prekliatie
74. Prekletstvo
75. Habaar
76. Thohako
77. Malidcion
78. Kumpat
79. Forbanna
80. Lanat
81. Capam
82. Sapam
83. Khasap
84. Kufur
85. Proklyattya
86. Nguyen rua
87. Melltith
88. Flok
89. Isiqalekiso
90. Kllh
91. Eegun


Popularity of Use
A         %          E         %         I         %           O          %         U         %
62       68%      28       30%   29      31%       31       34%     18        19%

B         %          C         %         D         %          F          %         G         %
10       10%     13       14%    15         16%    10        10%     5         5%

H         %          J         %         K         %           L          %         M         %
15       16%      1         1%      36      39%       41         45%    23         25%

N         %          P         %        Q          %           R          %         S         %
31       34%      21      23%     3          3%       28         30%    24        26%

T         %          V         %         W         %           X          %         Y         %
28      30%       6        6%        1         1%          0          0%       7         7%

Z          %
6           6%


Words by Popularity of use
68% A:
45% L, A:
39% K, L, A: K*
34% O, N, K, L, A: Laana
31% I, O, N, K, L, A:
30% T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Lanat, Laknat, Noroi, Atok, Eke,
         Katara, L*N*T, Laenatan,
26% S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Lasts, Anitsel,
25% M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A:
23% P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Sapam, Prekliatie, Sarapa,
         Srapa, Sapam, Prakeikimas, Sapa, Praklion, Mallkim,
19% U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Kumpat, Tuka, Kutuk,
         Kutukan, Kirous, Sumpa,
16% D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Kllh, Khasap, Thohako,
         DNAL, Kharaal id, Hahu, Sahta, Dakan, Melltith, Needus,
         Abhisapa,
14% C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Capam, Malidcion,
         Mallachd, Maldicao, *NC, Maledicite terrae, Mallacht,
         Madichan, Maldicion, Malediction, Malediccio, Curse,
10% F, B, C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Flok, Kufur,
         Forbanna, Habaar, Faamatala, Blestem, Forbannelse, Fluch,
         Nifir, Dakbntasa, Obubu Onu, Foom, Abhishaap, Fluch,
         Mabeno (esperanto), Forbandeise, Kletba,
7% Y, F, B, C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Proklyattya,
       Sapaya, Proklyatiye, Kyanehcar, Proklyatie,
6% V, Z, Y, F, B, C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A:
      Prekletstvo, Ozony, Maledizione, Bolvun, Kletva, Malidizioni,
      Zuzhou, Prokletstvo, Madarikazio, Vloek,
5% G, V, Z, Y, F, B, C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A: Eegun,
      Nguyen rua, Kargis, Irigimani,
3% Q, G, V, Z, Y, F, B, C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A:
      Isiqalekiso, Quargis, Tsqevla,
1% W, J, Q, G, V, Z, Y, F, B, C, D, H, U, P, M, S, T, R, E, I, O, N, K, L, A:
       Przeklenstwo, Jeoju,
0% X

Conclusion: 39% use in Hebrew (K*) language is the earliest apparent use of Curse in modern language (though the word might belong to the 30% group thanks to interaction with a Malay speaking Sea Traveller)
Curse is fully formed at 34% use in the Hausa speaking population (Curse:Laasa) in West Africa (Niger, Nigeria, Ghana, Benin, Ivory Coast).
At 30% use, curse with a K* has spred to Hungarian, Greek, Malay, and Hawaiian languages- by sea travellers; Curse with an *N* have spread from West Africa (Laasa) - via Malay (Laknat) - to Japan (Noroi), Tajik (Lanat), Arabic (Laenatan), Azerbaijani (L*N*T) along the silk road. 

The modern curse spreads from West Africa via the silk road and sea traders? Could it have even been a Plague? Oddly Korean and Polish are the last languages infected by a Curse that spread from Western Africa.

Random Antagonist: Who the hell is this guy?

Some quick artwork of a red haired guy in a black steel mask.
Roll some stats...

Rashan: 11th level Magicuser Neutral; 22hp; AC9(+1dex) ;Str 10, Int 17, Wis 6, Dex 6, Con 12, Cha 10; 4' 11"; equipment: plain clothes, dagger, boots, black steel mask.
Spells memorized: magic missiles (×3), continual light, fly, Teleport
Background: Rashan is a magicuser from Ylaruam. He is enchanting magic arrows for a goblin band. He is human but might be mistaken for a goblin or a dwarf because of his physical height. He hires himself to sentient monsters for magic item enchantment. His skin is dark and his hair is sooty red. He is left handed.

Little Witches: Chapter 1 - The Devil's Pilgrims

Little Witches
Ch.1 Devil's Pilgrims

"Yule won't be Yule without any men," grumbled Jo, lying naked on the rug.
"It's so dreadful to be flat!" sighed Meg, looking down at her naked body. "I don't think it's fair for some girls to have plenty, and other girls nothing at all," added little Amy, with an injured sniff.
"We've got Satan and Mother, and each other," said Beth contentedly from her corner. The four young faces on which the firelight shone brightened at the cheerful words, but darkened again as Jo said sadly, "We haven't got Satan, and shall not have him for a long time." She didn't say "perhaps never," but each silently added it, thinking of Satan far away, where the fighting was. Nobody spoke for a minute; then Meg said in an altered tone, "You know the reason Mother proposed not 'having' any men this Winter Solstice was because it is going to be a hard winter for everyone; and she thinks we ought not to spend magic for pleasure, when our men are suffering so in the army. We can't do much, but we can make our little sacrifices, and ought to do it gladly. But I am afraid I don't," and Meg shook her head, as she thought regretfully of all the men she wanted.
"But I don't think the little we should spend would do any good. We've each got a wand, and the army wouldn't be much helped by our giving that. I agree not to expect anything from Mother or you, but I do want to enslave a man for myself. I've wanted it so long," said Jo, who was a bookworm.
"I planned to spend mine in new Magic," said Beth, with a little sigh, which no one heard but the hearth brush and kettle-holder.
"I shall get a nice phallus carved from wood; I really need one," said Amy decidedly.
"Mother didn't say anything about our magic, and she won't wish us to give up everything. Let's each kidnap what we want, and have a little fun; I'm sure we work hard enough to deserve it," cried Jo, examining the heels of her shoes in a masculine manner.
"I know I do - 'enjoying' those tiresome children nearly all day, when I'm longing to 'enjoy' myself at home," began Meg, in the complaining tone again. "You don't have half such a hard time as I do," said Jo.
"How would you like to be shut up for hours with a perverted, horny old hag, who keeps you trotting, is never satisfied, and 'worries' you till you're ready to fly out the window or cry?"
"It's naught to fret, but I do think abducting children and butchering their skinned corpses for sausages is the worst work in the world. It makes me cross, and my hands get so stiff, I can't cast well at all." And Beth looked at her rough hands with a sigh that any one could hear that time.
"I don't believe any of you suffer as I do," cried Amy, "for you don't have to go to gatherings with impertinent hags, who curse you if you don't know your hexes, and laugh at your flat breasts, and insult your parentage, and insult you when your nose isn't warty."
"If you mean libel, I'd say so, and not talk about parents, as if Satan was a pickle jar," advised Jo, laughing.
"I know what I mean, and you needn't be satirical about it. It's proper to use good words, and improve your vocabilary," returned Amy, with dignity.
"Don't peck at one another. Don't you wish we had the Magic we lost when we were little, Jo? Dear me! How powerful we'd be, if we had no worries!" said Meg, who could remember better times.
"You said the other day you thought we were a deal happier than the King children, for they were fighting and fretting all the time, in spite of their wealth."
"So I did, Beth. Well, I think we are. For though we do have to work, we make fun of ourselves, and are a pretty jolly set, as Jo would say."
"Jo does use such slang words!" observed Amy, with a reproving look at the long figure stretched naked on the rug. Jo immediately sat up, put her hands under her armpits, and began to whistle.
"Don't, Jo. It's so boyish!"
"That's why I do it."
"I detest rude, unfeminine witches!"
"I hate affected, niminy-piminy chits!"
"Cuckoos in their little nests agree," sang Beth, the peacemaker, with such a wicked face that both sharp voices softened to a cackle, and the "pecking" ended for that time.
"Really sisters, you are both to be blamed," said Meg, beginning to lecture in her elder-witch fashion.
"You are old enough to leave off boyish tricks, and to behave better, Josephine. It didn't matter so much when you were a little bint, but now you are so tall, and turn up your hair, you should remember that you are a young witch."
"I'm not! And if turning up my hair makes me one, I'll wear it in two tails till I'm twenty," cried Jo, pulling off her comb, and shaking down a chestnut mane.
"I hate to think I've got to grow up, and be a white witch, and wear long gowns, and look as prim as a China Aster! It's bad enough to be a girl, anyway, when I like boy's games and work and manners! I can't get over my disappointment in not being a warlock. And it's worse than ever now, for I'm dying to go and fight with Satan. And I can only stay home and knit, like a poky old hag!" And Jo shook the blue dye sock till the needles rattled like castanets, and her ball bounded across the room.
"Poor Jo! It's too bad, but it can't be helped. So you must try to be contented with making your name boyish, and playing warlock to us wicca," said Beth, stroking the rough head with a hand that all the dish washing and drying rags in the world could not make ungentle in its touch.
"As for you, Amy," continued Meg, "you are altogether too particular and prim. Your aromas are odd now, but you'll grow up an affected little goose, if you don't take care. I like your nice manners and refined ways of speaking, when you don't try to be elegant. But your absurd words are as bad as Jo's slang."
"If Jo is a tomboy and Amy a goose, what am I, please?" asked Beth, ready to share the lecture.
"You're a pet, and nothing else," answered Meg warmly, and no one contradicted her, for the 'Mouse' was the pet of the family.

As young readers like to know 'how people look', we will take this moment to give them a little sketch of the four sisters, who sat knitting away in the twilight, while the Winter snow fell quietly without, and the fire crackled cheerfully within. It was a cosy room, though the bear skin was bare and the furniture very plain, for a fettish or two hung on the walls, spellbooks filled the recesses, Chrysanthenums and thorned roses bloomed in the windows, and a pleasant atmosphere of home perverted it.

Margaret, the eldest of the four, was sixteen, and very pretty, being plump and fair, with large eyes, plenty of soft brown hair, a sweet mouth, and white hands, of which she was rather vain.

Fifteen-year-old Jo was very tall, thin, and brown, and reminded one of a colt, for she never seemed to know what to do with her long limbs, which were very much in her way. She had a decided mouth, a comical nose, and sharp, gray eyes, which appeared to see everything, and were by turns fierce, funny, or thoughtful. Her long, thick hair was her one beauty, but it was usually bundled into a bun, to be out of her way. Round shoulders had Jo, big hands and feet, a flyaway look to her body, and the uncomfortable appearance of a girl who was rapidly shooting up into a woman and didn't like it.

Elizabeth, or Beth, as everyone called her, was a rosy, smooth-haired, bright-eyed girl of thirteen, with a shy manner, a timid voice, and a peaceful expression which was seldom disturbed. Satan called her 'Little whore', and the name suited her excellently, for she seemed to live in a happy world of her own, only venturing out to meet the few whom she ensnared and seduced.

Amy, though the youngest, was a most important person, in her own opinion at least. A regular snow maiden, with blue eyes, and yellow hair curling on her shoulders, pale and slender, and always carrying herself like a young woman mindful of her manners. What the characters of the four witches were we will leave to be found out.

The clock struck six and, having swept up the hearth, Beth put a pair of slippers down to warm. Somehow the sight of the old shoes had a good effect upon the witches, for Mother was coming, and everyone brightened to welcome her. Meg stopped lecturing, and lighted the lamp, Amy got out of the great chair without being asked, and Jo forgot how tired she was as she sat up to hold the slippers nearer to the blaze. "They are quite worn out. Marmee must have a new pair."
"I thought I'd make her some," said Beth.
"No, I shall!" cried Amy.
"I'm the oldest," began Meg, but Jo cut in with a decided, "I'm the lord of the Coven now Satan is away, and I shall provide the slippers, for he told me to take special care of Mother while he was gone."
"I'll tell you what we'll do," said Beth, "let's each get her something for Winter Solstice, and not get anything for ourselves."
"That's like you, dear! What will we get?" exclaimed Jo. Everyone thought soberly for a minute, then Meg announced, as if the idea was suggested by the sight of her own pretty hands, "I shall give her a nice pair of gloves."
"Army shoes, best to be had," cried Jo.
"Some handkerchiefs, all hemmed," said Beth.
"I'll brew a little bottle of hemlock. She likes it, and it won't cost much magic, so I'll have some left to craft my phallus," added Amy.
"How will we give the things?" asked Meg.
"Put them on the table, and bring her in and see her open the bundles. Don't you remember how we used to do it?" answered Jo.

"I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown of thorns on, and see you all come marching round to give the gifts, with a kiss. I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles," said Beth, who was toasting her face and the bread for tea at the same time.

"Let Marmee think we are getting men for ourselves, and then surprise her. We must go hunting tomorrow afternoon, Meg. There is so much to do about the Yule night," said Jo, marching up and down, with her hands behind her back, and her nose in the air.
"I don't mean to dance any more after this time. I'm getting too old for such things," observed Meg, who was as much a child as ever about 'wiccan' frolics.
"You won't stop, I know, as long as you can trail round in a white gown with your hair down, and wear gold-foil jewelry. You are the best witch we've got, and there'll be an end of everything if you quit the rituals," said Jo.

"We ought to prepare tonight. Come here, Amy, and do the fainting scene, for you are as stiff as a poker in that."
"I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.


"Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg cackled outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest.
"It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the goblins laugh, don't blame me. Come on, Meg."

Then things went smoothly, for Don Pedro defied the world in a pledge. Hagar, the witch, chanted an awful incantation over her kettleful of simmering toads, with weird effect. Roderigo rent his chains asunder manfully, and Hugo died in agonies of remorse and arsenic, with a wild, "Ha! Ha!"
"It's the best we've had yet," said Meg, as the dead man sat up and rubbed his elbows.
"I don't see how you can enchant such splendid things, Jo. You're a regular Crone!" exclaimed Beth, who firmly believed that her sisters were gifted with wonderful genius in all things.

"Not quite," replied Jo modestly. "I do think the spell from The Witches Curse is rather a nice thing, but I'd like to try the spell from Macbeth, and if we only had a trapdoor to quiet their screams. I always wanted to do the killing part. 'Is that a dagger that I see before me?" muttered Jo, rolling her eyes and clutching at the air, as she had seen a famous tragedian do.

"No, it's the toasting fork, with Mother's shoe on it instead of the bread. Beth's tongue-tied!" cried Meg, and the spell casting ended in a general burst of laughter.
"Glad to find you so merry, my girls," said a cheery voice at the door, and witches and their enthralled guests turned to welcome a tall, march hare with a 'can I help you' look about her which was truly malicious. She was not elegantly preened, but a healthy-looking hare, and the young witches thought the gray fur and unfashionable bonnet of twine-bound fingers covered the most splendid creature in the world.

"Well, dearies, how have you got on today? There was so much to do, getting the boxes ready to go tomorrow, that I didn't come home to dinner. Has anyone called, Beth? How is your cold, Meg? Jo, you look tired to death. Come and kiss me, baby." While making these maternal inquiries the March hare dried as best she could, her warm slippers on, and sitting down in the easy chair, drew Amy to her lap, preparing to enjoy the happiest hour of her busy day. The witches flew about, trying to make things comfortable, each in her own way.
Meg arranged the tea table, Jo brought wood and set chairs, dropping, over-turning, and clattering everything she touched. Beth trotted to and fro between parlor kitchen, quiet and busy, while Amy gave directions to everyone, as she sat with her hands folded. As they gathered about the table, the March hare said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper."

A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A message! A message! Thank Satan!"

"Yes, a nice long letter. He is well, and thinks he shall get through the cold season better than we feared. He sends all sorts of loving wishes for Yule, and an especial message to you witches," said the March hare, licking her womb as if she had a treasure there.

"Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, dripping side down, on the bear hide rug in her haste to get at the treat. Beth ate no more, but crept away to sit in her shadowy corner and brood over the delight to come, till the others were ready.
"I think it was so splendid in Satan to go tempt a chaplain to war when he was too old to be drafted, and not strong enough for a soldier," said Meg warmly.

"Don't I wish I could go as a drummer, a whore - what's its name? Or a nurse, so I could be near him and please him," exclaimed Jo, with a groan.
"It must be very disagreeable to sleep in a tent, and eat all sorts of bad-tasting things, and drink out of a tin mug," sighed Amy.
"When will he come home, Mother?" asked Beth, with a little quiver in her voice.
"Not for many months, dear, unless he is sick. He will stay and do his work faithfully as long as he can, and we won't ask for him back a minute sooner than he can be spared. Now come and hear the letter." They all drew to the fire, Mother in the big chair with Beth naked at her feet, Meg and Amy perched naked on either arm of the chair, and naked Jo leaning on the back, where no one would see any sign of emotion if the freshly branded Witch's mark should happen to be painful. Very few records were written in those hard times that were not touching, especially those which soldiers sent home. In this one little was said of the hardships endured, the dangers faced, or the homesickness conquered. It was a cheerful, hopeful letter, full of lively descriptions of camp life, marches, and military news, and only at the end did the scribe's heart over-flow with sinful pleasure and carnal longing for the little witches coven.

"Give them all of my dear love and a kiss. Tell them I think of them by day, pray for them by night, and find my best comfort in their affection at all times. A year seems very long to wait before I see them, but remind them that while we wait we may all work, so that these hard days need not be wasted. I know they will remember all I said to them, that they will be loving witches to you, will do their duty faithfully, fight their bosom enemies bravely, and conquer themselves so beautifully that when I come back to them I may fondel and prod deeper than ever of my little witches." Everybody sniffed when they came to that part. Jo wasn't ashamed of the great warty tear that dropped off the end of her nose, and Amy never minded the tangling of her curls as she hid her face on her mother's shoulder and sobbed out, "I am a selfish witch! But I'll truly try to be better, so he mayn't be disappointed in me by-and-by."
"We all will," cried Meg. "I think too much of my looks and hate to work, but won't any more, if I can help it."
"I'll try and be what he loves to call me, 'a little witch' and not be rough and wild, but do my duty here instead of wanting to be somewhere else," said Jo, thinking that keeping her temper at home was a much harder task than facing a witch-finder or two down South. Beth said nothing, but wiped away her tears with the blue dyed sock and began to knit with all her might, losing no time in doing the duty that lay nearest her, while she resolved in her quiet little soul to be all that Satan hoped to find her when the year brought round the happy coming home.

The March hare broke the silence that followed Jo's words, by saying in her cheery voice, "Do you remember how you used to lure Pilgrims when you were little things? Nothing delighted you more than to have me tie my piece bags on your backs for burdens, give you hats and sticks and rolls of paper, and let you travel through the house from the cellar, which was the City of Destruction, up, up, to the rooftop, where you had all the things you could collect to visit Hecate's Garden."

"What fun it was, especially riding the lions of Apollyon, and passing through the valley where the hob-goblins were," said Jo.

"I liked the place where the bundles fell off and tumbled downstairs," said Meg. "I don't remember much about it, except that I was afraid of the cellar and the dark portal, and always liked the sweets and milk we had up at the top. If I wasn't too old for such things, I'd rather like to play it over again," said Amy, who began to talk of renouncing childish things at the mature age of twelve.

"We never are too old for this, my dear, because it is a play we are playing all the time in one way or another. Our burdens are here, our path is before us, and the longing for pleasure and happiness is the guide that leads us through many troubles and mistakes to the peace which is Hecate's Garden. Now, my little pilgrims, suppose you begin again, not in play, but in earnest, and see how far on you can get before Satan comes home."
"Really, Mother? Where are our bundles?" asked Amy, who was a very literal young witch.
"Each of you told what your burden was just now, except Beth. I rather think she hasn't got any," said her mother.
"Yes, I have. Mine is dishes and rags, and envying witches with nice hags, and being afraid of people." Beth's bundle was such a funny one that everybody wanted to laugh, but nobody did, for it would have hurt her feelings very much.
"Let us do it," said Meg thoughtfully.
"It is only another name for trying to be good, and the spellbook may help us, for though we do want to be sucessful, it's hard work and we forget, and don't do our best."
"We were in the Slough of Despond tonight, and Mother came and pulled us out with the help of the spellbook. We ought to have our own lovers, like Christian. What shall we do about that?" asked Jo, delighted with the fancy which lent a little romance to the very dull task of doing her duty. "Look under your dolls Winter Solstice morning, and you will find your enchantment," replied the March hare.
They talked over the new plan while old Hannah cleared the table, then out came the four little work baskets, and the needles flew as the little witches made dolls from the March hare to curse with names and poke with pins. It was uninteresting sewing, but tonight no one grumbled. They adopted Jo's plan of dividing the long hide into four parts, and calling the dolls Gimp, Snail, Log, and Mercy, and in that way got on capitally, especially when they talked about the different lovers they would ensnare as they stitched their way through them.
At the ninth hour they stopped sewing, and wailed, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much magic out of the old bagpipe, but she had a way of softly fingering the yellowed keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple spells they cast. Meg had a voice like a shrill flute, and she and her mother led the little coven. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive spell. They had always done this from the time they could lisp... Crinke, crinke, bitte 'tar, and it had become a coven custom, for the mother was a born wicca. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the gingerbread house enchanting like a strangled raven, and the last sound at night was the same frightful sound, for the little witches never grew too old for that familiar cry.

                               

It takes little time to turn Little Women into a tale of wicked witches... and R rating the hell out of it. Perhaps they will realize its real potential.

Star Wars: The Child-Queen of Naboo

How does a planetary government come to the point where it elects a child Princess?
It will be a result of their cultural history. 
What do we know about Naboo? The Throne sits above a high cliff overlooking a waterfall dropping into a deep ocean into the centre of the world where giant fish and Gungans dwell.
So each year to appease the giant Gungan fish-god each of the clans of Naboo would select a female child. They would then vote on which child was thrown (or required to jump) from the top of the Cliff. After a millennia some annoying Jedi from the Republic showed up and killed the fish-god. But they didnt have a representative to stand for them in this Senate of the Republic or an acceptable means to determine this senator and the arguments were getting out of hand, but they did have the electoral mechanism in place to elect a princess as a sacrifice...

Crappy Manga: A Princess with some family baggage...

Bard College: Some music I composed...

 Some sheet music...

Basic Expert: Begin your Isekai adventure as the Dungeon Boss

You are the Zero level BBEG
Start out as a zero level human. Just roll the six basic abilities. Pick a Japanese Character name. Its Tradition.

Part 1: Grandfather's House
In a secret store-room in your grand-father's house you find boxes of old artefacts and antiques... and at the back of the room, a heavy timber door engraved with an owl, fitted in a free standing stone archway. 

The Room contains books, antique swords, crossbows, armour, walking sticks, canes, an astrolabe, jewelery, outdoors equipment, all dumped in timber chests and boxes. Staring at the owl's eyes grants you the ability to detect magic (3 uses/day) as the detect magic spell. Amongst the junk is a pair of gimmicky ebon horns you can wear on your head that grants you an aura of intimidation giving a -6 penalty to your opponent's Morale check but it also identifies you as the Demon-lord of this dungeon. And a spider brooch that causes hostile spiders to flee from your presence.

Part 2: The Dungeon Beyond the Door
The Owl-door opens into a long stone tunnel whose apparent end vanishes into the darkness. You can see tiny spiders on spider webs here and there.

The door can be pushed open by the PC opening into a long, stone-lined tunnel ten feet wide. The tunnel continues off into the darkness. The spiders are poisonous.

Tiny Dungeon Spider: HD: 1hp, AC: 8, AT: Poison, DA: special, SA: Zero Level Human, NA: 1d4 (1d4), ML 8, TT: V, AL: Neutral, XP: 5xp. Description: anyone bit by a spider will take 4hp damage (save vs poison to take half damage).

Part 3: The Dungeon Entrance
Stumbling out of the dungeon and into the light you see an almost medieval rural village from some Fantasy Anime/Manga and some villagers gathering in a mob. They are pointing at you. A number of them scream in a foreign language and flee while four of them rush toward you armed with burning torchs, forks, and clubs.

The quaint Village of Møkkhaug

The Village
Located off the Imperial highway are three timber and daub dwellings, and a reasonably deep communal Well faced in stone, surrounded on three sides by a poor quality timber palisade. The Village of Dung-pile (Møkkhaug) is a Zero-level shit hole, economically depressed, with little to nothing in the way of interest other than:

• The poorly educated peasant farmers (with nothing in the way of a governing authority).

• What passes for a communal hall where they occasionally cook food and serve what laughably passes for Ale.

• The village Well with its reasonably good water supply.

• The Dungeon of the Demon lord.

The Four NPC Heroes
The Adventurers have every intention of killing the demon-lord and ending the threat posed by the dungeon...

• Thap: Zero-level human; Lawful; 7hp; AC9; S16, I11, W9, D10, C12, Ch12; Clothes, boots, pitchfork (1d6+2 strength bonus); Thap is a turnip farmer in love with the charismatic Rin.

• Mika: zero-level human; Lawful; 6hp; AC9 (+1 penalty to attack rolls on Mika); S12, I10, W14, D11, C6, Ch8; clothes, boots, torch (1d4); Mika is slightly introverted and has poor health. She has good judgement though is often ignored by those with higher charisma. If a party member is injured she will on successful charisma check hold off the Demon-lord while the others retreat.

• Haro: zero-level human; Neutral; 1hp; AC9; S11, I17, W8, D10, C8, Ch12; normal clothes, boots, club (1d4); Haro is an intelligent (speaking common, elf, dwarf, and guild-tongue) villager who wants to be a merchant and is merely aiding to investigate the dungeon for goods he can sell from the guild shop he wishes to open. He isnt keen on dying at the hands of a demon-lord and will retreat if Thap is killed. If he fails a charisma check he will flee.

• Rin: Zero-level human; chaotic; 4hp; AC7; S12, I13, W7, D17, C10, Ch15; normal clothes, shoes, dagger (1d4); Rin is a coward leading this party of adventurers to their deaths in the Demon-lord's Dungeon. She will turn on her companions for survival or personal gain. If she fails a charisma check she will plan to betray the party to the demon-lord offering herself to the Demon-lord (irrespective of the Demon-lord's gender). If Thap is killed she will stab Haro or Mika (if either have survived to encounter the Demon-lord) with her dagger before switching sides. If the rest of the party are dead before encountering the demon-lord she will flee to the village

Demon-lord Victorious: If you the Demon-lord are successful in eliminating the adventuring party you get 3xp per opponent killed or subjugated. The village will pay 50gp to the next group of first level Adventurers to show up and purge the Demon-lord.

Little People: the viking pub

A 40ft × 20ft feast hall paper cut-out. Yes I know, it looks terrible and is wonky as hell but this is just the conceptual floorplan. It should give you thick walls that fold over from each direction and a point of entry.

Star Trek: He says he has a Mission

We all know whats coming...

Linguistic Archaeology: Old Icelandic words carrying Tu- Suffix

A collection of words
1. Tugla
2. Tugr
3. Tug-Tugti
4. Tumba
5. Tundr
6. Tundra
7. Tundr-or
8. Tunga
9. Tungl
10. Tunglar
11. Tungls-ljos
12. Tungltal
13. Tungna-skipti
14. Tungu-bragd
15. Tunna
16. Turn
17. Turna
18. Turnera
19. Turniment
20. Turn-reid
21. Tur-turi
22. Tuskat
23. Tutla
24. Tuttr
25. Tuttrgasti
26. Tuttugti
27. Tuttugu
28. Tulka
29. Tulkan
30. Tulkari
31. Tulkr
32. Tun
33. Tun-annir


Popularity of Use
A         %          E         %         I         %           O          %         U         %
16      48%       3        9%       9       27%        2         6%       33      100%

B         %          C         %         D         %          F          %         G         %
2         6%        0         0%       5       15%        0          0%      13        39%

H         %          J         %         K         %           L          %         M         %
0          0%       1          3%      6         18%       9        27%       2         6%

N         %          P         %        Q          %           R          %         S         %
19     57%       0          0%      0          0%        17        51%     4         12%

T         %          V         %         W         %           X          %         Y         %
33     100%     0        0%        0          0%         0           0%      0          0%

Z          %
0         0%


Words by Popularity of use
100%     T, U: (Tu-)
57%       N, T, U: Tun (hedged plot, courtyard, homestead),
51%       R, N, T, U: Turn (tower), Tuttr (tom-thumb),
48%       A, R, N, T, U: Turna (To turn), Tunna (Tun, Barrel),
39%       G, A, R, N, T, U: Tuttugu (card number twenty), Tunga
               (Tongue), Tugr (tigr), Tugla (tygill-a strap, band, belt),
27%       I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Tun-annir (hay making in home medow),
             Tuttugti (ordinary number the twentieth),
             Tutla (to push, shove), Turturi (turtle-dove),
             Tungl-tal (Lunar Computation), Tungl-ar (lunar year),
             Tungl (the Moon), Tug-tugti (ordinary number twentieth),
18%     K, I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Tulkr (spokesman), Tulkari
             (interpreter), Tulkan (pleading), Tulka (to interpret),
15%     D, K, I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Tundra (To catch fire), Tundr
             (Tinder),
12%      S, D, K, I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Tuttrgasti (ordinary number twentieth),
             Tuskast (to scuffle), Tungna-skipti (confusion of languages),
9%        E, S, D, K, I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Turn-reid (Turniment),
              Turnera (To ride a tourney),
6%        M, B, O, E, S, D, K, I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Turniment (Tilt, Tournament),
              Tungu-bragd (Language, motion of the tongue), Tundr-or
              (Tinder-arrow), Tumba (To Tumble),
3%         J, M, B, O, E, S, D, K, I, L, G, A, R, N, T, U: Tungls-ljos (Moon-light),
0%        C, F, H, P, Q, V, W, X, Y, Z

Conclusion: Tu- is  followed by the emergence of the Homestead. Soon after including a Tower because you want someone on watch for dangers. And this begins around the same time as the appearance of the Tom Thumb fairy tale.

Creature Catalogue: The Wiren

Wiren
Hit Dice:             45HD**
Armour Class:   -6
Movement:        60' (20')
Attacks:              4 Tentacles
Damage:            Special
Save As:             Fighter L45
No. Appearing: 1(1)
Morale:               11
Intelligence:      18
Treasure Type:  A
Alignment:         Neutral
Experience:       24,500xp

The Wiren are other planar horrors who are contacted via Contact other Plane and summoned to this world by a modified Summon Elemental spell or magic item. They often are contracted by powerful individuals to serve as a Guardian, though they are able to wander the planes and may attach themselves to an elemental and be summoned to another plane. They covet wealth, power, knowledge. They are by appearance similar to a beholder though they are very dark making them near invisible in a dark dungeon, have two eyes instead of one, and have tentacles that can reach out at targets up to fifty feet. A successful entanglement of hands and feet of an opponent allows them to control their prey as a puppet. The victim is effectively charmed as charm person or charm monster. They are also infected with interdimensional parasites that can on contact double the physical strength, dexterity, and constitution of a victim making them a terrible opponent.

Basic Expert: Cults, Factions, and Other Planar Influences

Tomak the Undying, 75th level M-U

From Knowledge, Power
Of the knowledge to be had from other planar entities via the 5th level Magic-user spell Contact Other Plane or the 5th level Cleric spell Commune, there must be individuals and groups making use of that knowledge.
Primarily these will be Magic-users and Elves of a minimum 9th level or Clerics of a minimum of 7th level. Where Clerics enjoy three questions without any deception, error, or prospect of insanity, Magic-users and Elves do not.

The Ecologists
Their members are made up of various powerful sentient monsters, and Spellcasters. They use Artefacts of the Immortals as an energy source to power Dungeons. In particular they create permanently active spells at locations within their Dungeons where any creature dying is reincarnated randomly or animated as undead. Many Ecologists go out of their way to study the dungeon ecosystem, researching the weaknesses and successes of dungeons.

Agenda: The Ecologists are farming Adventurers for experience by using their living dungeons as a meat grinder that constantly grants them more experience as it chews up adventurers and creatures and uses them against the next wave of victims.
Membership: Any chaotic or neutral spell-caster who can learn of the secret of using dungeons to farm adventurers for Experience points via contact outer plane or commune, locate an Artefact of the Immortals as a power source, and research how to make spells permanant. They take an active interest in the ecology of Dungeons and are likely to hire adventurers to explore their own dungeon to test it, or explore some new dungeon they have learned of to pick up any useful information unique to its ecology.

Ex.-Tomak the Undying created a dungeon in the mountains that has an Altar of Raise Dead (crafted by a cleric friend) to lure adventurers seeking free* raise dead spells into a meat grinder that has reincarnation and animate dead spells at the bottom of death traps designed to lure the greedy to their doom and turn the newly deceased into monsters to restock the dungeon.

*meat grinders can be costly in resources.

The Brazier of Eternal Flame
Their members are Patriarchs drawn from other churches. Membership in this fire worshiping cult is kept secret simply because they dont desire the Scrutiny of mainstream faiths they consider Heretica. The Brazier of Eternal Flame communicate with one another by the use of a modified Brazier of Fire Elemental Conjuring. Having communed with other planar beings and sought answers to the appropriate questions, modified their brazier to summon Efreet.

Agenda: They are sages, librarians, arsonists, book-burners, witch hunters, and simple fire-worshipers: as diverse a group of Patriarchs as possible with no central goal other than their intention to take control of various churches and employ those faiths to their own ends.
Membership: Bishops (7th level cleric) might make discrete enquiries as to the cult but the cult will not allow anyone less than Patriarch (9th level cleric) to join their ranks.

The Wiren
The Wiren are an otherplanar race superficially similar to beholders in that they are a large dark organic sphere except they have two eyes rather than one and numerous fifty feet long tentacles rather than eyestalks. Wiren can puppet a victim using their tentacles, or infect the victim with parasites that provide the victim with greater physical strength.

Agenda: The Wiren have been employing contact other plane and commune magic to learn of other planes to invade and explore and downright infest. They desire power, territory, slaves, food, magic... if your PCs/NPCs have it and the Wiren does not, they will begin a plan to take it.
Membership: They are likely Clerics following some other-planar horror or Magic-users. They can be summoned during a conjure elemental spell simply because they are exploring the planes and are notorious for attatching themselves to an elemental.

Star Wars: The Western Returns

They say the Mandalorian will save Star Wars. Of course it will. Mo'Bounty Hunters make everything awesome. Bounty Hunters chasing down Rei and Nuking the Mos Eisley spaceport to stop her getting off world would have saved Star Wars IX.

Linguistic Archaeology: Korean Rivers

Major Korean Rivers
1. Bukhan
2. Chaeryong
3. Changja
4. Changjin
5. Chongchon
6. Hochon
7. Imjin
8. Kumya
9. Orang
10. Piryu
11. Pothong
12. Ryesong
13. Songchon
14. Taedong
15. Taeryong
16. Tumen
17. Yalu
18. Hantan
19. Soyang
20. Hongcheon
21. Han
22. Namhan
23. Geum
24. Mangyeong
25. Dongjin
26. Yeongsan
27. Seomjin
28. Nakdong
29. Geumho
30. Hwang
31. Nam

Popularity of Use
A          %          E         %         I         %           O          %         U         %
17       54%      11       35%      5        16%      16       51%        7         22%

B         %          C         %         D         %      F          %         G         %
1          3%        7         22%     3        9%     0          0%       19       61%

H         %          J         %         K         %      L          %         M         %
14        45%     5         16%     3         9%    1          3%       8           25%

N         %          P         %        Q          %      R          %         S         %
26       83%      2         6%      0          0%     5         16%     5         16%

T         %          V         %         W         %      X         %         Y         %
5         16%      0          0%      1           3%     0        0%       9         29%

Z          %
0           0%


Rivers by Popularity of use
83% N:
61% G, N:
54% A, G, N: Naga (Indo: Dragon, Ko: Get out), Gang (Korean: River)
51% O, A, G, N:
45% H, O, A, G, N: Han,
35% E, H, O, A, G, N:
29% Y, E, H, O, A, G, N:
25% M, Y, E, H, O, A, G, N: Nam, Mangyeong, Namhan,
22% C, U, M, Y, E, H, O, A, G, N: Geumho, Geum, Hongcheon,
         Hochon, Chongcheon,
16% T, J, I, R, S, C, U, M, Y, E, H, O, A, G, N: Seomjin, Yeongsan,
         Soyang, Hantan, Tumen, Taeryong, Songchon, Ryesong,
         Orang, Imjin, Changjin, Changja, Chaeryong,
9% K, D, T, J, I, R, S, C, U, M, Y, E, H, O, A, G, N: Nakdong, Dongjin,
       Taedong, Kumya,
6% P, K, D, T, J, I, R, S, C, U, M, Y, E, H, O, A, G, N: Pothong, Piryu,
3% B, L, W, P, K, D, T, J, I, R, S, C, U, M, Y, E, H, O, A, G, N: Hwang,
       Yalu, Bukhan
0% Z, V, X, F, Q

Conclusion
At 54% Gang should be the first named river considering it means 'River'.
The Han River is the first river named at 45%, And for a considerable time Han is the only named river.
Then at 25% an upriver section is named Namhan. Along with the Mangyeong River further down the coast, and up the Mangyeong and over the mountains to the inland river of Nam.

White Space: Rebellion-breaker Class Vessel

Vessel Class: Rebellion-breaker
Fuel Cap.: 1MLY jump limit, 78 hours orbital operations fuel.
Crew: 89
Description: The Rebellion-breaker was designed to provide orbital bombardment employing kinetic weapons known as 'rods of god' launched from one of three railguns as well as a drop-ships, space shuttle transports, breaching pods, and Aerospace Drones across its eight bays. Its fuel capacity means its a significant long range military asset. In event of jump fuel containment failure the damage to Space-time will be a maximum of twenty-five light year radius (0.000025LY/LY Fuel).
History of Use: The first such vessel was designed for Colony Suppression after the Proxima Centauri War of Independance in 2089. Before it was completed Proxima had voted out the rebel government and reinstated Federal Government Authority. The Rebellion-breaker would be used in the Sol System in 2134 to put down the Earth Civil War after various nationalist factions decided to re-establish their individual nations. The orbital bombardment lasted three minutes triggering The Great Quake and excavating the Washington Crater.

Short Fiction: Prelude to Whitespace

"Its the fuel itself that warps the fabric of space-time which you will see as I activate the drone momentarily." Oskar Westral activated the drone jump sequence and the miniature ion drive sitting in a vaccuum chamber glowed momentarily before the drone vanished. "As you can see the drone has successfully made the jump to whitespace."
"And where exactly is this White Space?" Senator Farenz noticed a monitor screen displaying what appeared to be the President of the United States of America sitting at a heavy wooden desk in what looked like the oval office, the viewing perspective drawing the President's attention before the screen went blank. "What just happened there?"
"That was just the drone taking out the President of the United States of America." Westral pointed at the Vaccuum chamber where the drone again appeared. "And as you can see, mission complete."
"What do you mean mission complete?" Senator Farenz stared at the drone beyond the observation window, its ion engine now cooling. "What just happened?"
"You asked for a demonstration of the drone," Westral checked the drone systems. Satisfied he turned his attention to the Senator. "so I demonstrated the drone."
"Would you care for a second demonstration Senator?" Westral Keyed in jump coordinates for the next jump point. "Coordinates set."
"That was the American President?" Senator Farenz sat down, the possibility was taken out was ludicrous. "In the oval office."

"I wouldn't concern yourself Senator." Westral activated the Drone and it jumped away. "Anyway, the drone isn't realy meant as a weapon system. Its a means of faster than light travel."

"In the next few years we will be able to launch unmanned space probes into nearby star systems allowing unprecedented scientific observation of other worlds." Westral bought up a powerpoint of fuel estimates and Probe costs. "As you can see initial fuel development was resource hungry."
"If you see here..." Westral pointed to a cost drop-off. "We were finally able to synthesize the fuel."
"Given its volatile nature of large volumes of the fuel I actually recommend deploying the fuel plant outside our galaxy."
"What?" Senator Farenz was alarmed given the astronomical distances Westral was implying. "How would we do that?"

"This small plant will produce the fuel necessary to move a much larger fuel production facility to the edge of Galactic spiral over a period of seventeen years." Westral offered a bottle of chilled drinking water to the Senator. "The Fuel production plant I have in mind will produce fuel volumes sufficient to maintain a fleet of a hundred starships with monthly refueling."
"Smaller refueling craft would then jump in via Whitespace bringing small volumes of fuel back into the solar system to supply the fleet continuously." Westral looked at the screen as the image of a red star loomed large on the screen. "We would establish an interstellar and eventually a galactic government by maintaining control of the fuel supply."

"What Star is that?" Senator Farenz was sure the Star was red. "Is that Proxima Centauri?"
"Yes Senator," Oskar Westral smiled at the prospect of traveling through Whitespace and planting a flag on a distant world. "That is Proxima Centauri."
"That Star coming into the left of the Screen is our Star." The image continued to drift until a planet shifted into view. "And that planet is Proxima Centauri b."
"As you can see the signal is being transmitted back through Whitespace so it still takes some time to get here." Westral sent the recall signal. "At this range its slightly more than it took the signal of Astronauts landing on the Moon getting back to Earth."

"We are still a considerable way off from crewed missions to Proxima Centauri." Westral produced an image of a dead rodent. "This guy perished in a previous jump to Proxima Centauri."
"Its not the jump through Whitespace that kills them." Westral put the image of the Dead Rodent back on the desk. "Fairly sure his exposure to the Electromagnetic radiation Proxima Centauri gives off was lethal."

"We will need to send probes capable of a full analysis of the target system." Westral handed a budget to the Senator. "It will cost signifivantly more than the existing drone testbed and sattelite program"

"But..." The drone didnt even have a weapon system so the idea it could take out the President was insane. "How could you possibly take out the President with a weaponless drone?"
"Jump Point." Westral picked up the briefing notes and showed them to the Senator. "As I said before the fuel formed a distortion in the fabric of space-time killing everyone."
"What do you Mean 'killing everyone'?"
Senator Farenz's breathing became laboured. "You just attacked the Whitehouse."

"Actually Mister President," Westral saluted the Future President of the United States of America. "You eliminated the previous head of state."

"There is no way they would ever believe that." James Farenz was experiencing a last moment of doubt in the absolute authority of the President who would lead humanity out of the caves... a Responsibility that would begin here. President Farenz would be the only surviving member of  an elected government. "I will punish you for this."

"Absolutely, Mister President." Oscar Westral smilled politely. "Absolutely."

Notice from Author - I declare this short story and the Whitespace Scifi setting Public Domain.

Damn It: Abandoning a Blog Post idea...

There was a plan to do a Blog Post on Cults, Factions, and Other Planar Influences for BX Dungeons & Dragons RPG but I already did a wobbly eye gif with the cyclops and figured doing it a second time would be lazy of me. Anyway, I palmed the gif off on another D&D blogger so he might use it at some point. Yes, I'm sure your cult would love a sentient triangle from the outer planes.

Anime Memes: take reality with a grain of salt

Dungeon Mastery: Human Freaks and Mutants

"Mommy," The child tugged at it's parent's clothing to draw her attention to Hrothgar's presence. "Why does that man only have one eye?"
"He probably lost it fighting gobli..." Lydanna Wick-yellow stared at the monster before her. "Cyclops!"

Mutations are quite rare. For humans there are ony three that fall within the N in 100 range and could be considered Common Mutations.

Table 1: Common Mutation
1d100         Mutation                  
 01-86          None
 87-96          Left Handed
 97-98          Green Eyes
    99             One of Twins
   100            Uncommon Mut.  
Roll Once on Table 1.

Mutations that occur in the range of N in 10000 can be considered Uncommon Mutations. Roll for an Uncommon Mutation on Table 2.

Table 2: Uncommon Mutation
1d100         Mutation                          
 01-11          None*
 12-70          Different Eye Colours
 71-90          Extra Fingers/Toes
 91-92          Small Head
 93-98          Extra Leg/Hand
    99            One of Triplets
  100            Rare Mutations                
Roll Once on Table 2.

A mutation in the N in 1000000 range can be considered a Rare Mutation. Roll once for a Rare Mutation on Table 3.

Table 3: Rare Mutation
1d100         Mutation                           
 01-13          None*
 14-71          Albino
 72-77          Genderless
 78-87          Claw Hand
 88-98          One Eye (Cyclops)
    99            One of Quadruplets
  100            Very Rare Mutations      
Roll Once on Table 3.

A mutation in the N in 100000000 range can be considered a Very Rare Mutation. Roll once for a Very Rare Mutation on Table 4.

Table 4: Very Rare Mutation
1d100         Mutation                    
 01-55          None*
 56-98          Bark-like Skin
    99            One of Quintuplets
  100            Unique Mutations   
Roll Once on Table 4.

Mutations in the N in 10000000000 range are pretty much unique Mutations. Roll Once on Table 5 for a Unique Mutation.

Table 5: Unique Mutation
1d100         Mutation                    
 01-87          None*
 88-97          Fur
    98            One of Sextuplets
    99            One of Septuplets
  100            One of Octuplets     
Roll Once on Table 5.

*There is an eighty-three percent chance of having white patches of skin colour at the uncommon mutation level so lets assume any value of No Mutation on Tables 2-5 results in Patches of White skin colour and roll again for a second Mutation on whatever table you have reached with Albino replacing white patches of Skin colour if rolled as a second mutation.

How freakish are your PCs?

Short Fiction: Excelsior

Title: Star Trek - Excelsior
 
"A timely rescue." Hikaru Sulu greeted the Betelgeusian Ambasador as the Avian stepped from the transporter pad. "You have my gratitude Captain Sulu." 
"You're welcome Ambassador Thuuk." Sulu led the envoy from the Transporter room out into the hallway. "I was surprised you would cut your departure from your homeworld so close with the Supernova imminent."
"Tradition." Thuuk Racour seemed to have an air of loss about him. "I am the last."
"Yes..." Hikaru Sulu nodded in understanding. "My science officer explained."
"You have a Betelgeusian Science Officer?" Ambassador Thuuk's head moved owl-like to look at Captain Sulu. "On this ship?"
"Commander..." Sulu indicated the Science Officer standing in front of them. "...Zervra Shaak."

The Betelgeusian Science officer stared at the Betelgeusian Diplomat now blocking his path.
"So this is where your stinking clan is hiding." Thuuk Racour closed the distance in a heartbeat and struck the Excelsior's Science Officer in the neck slashing open an artery spraying blood around the hallway. "Die Zervra Shaak!"
"STOP!" Hikaru Sulu leapt into the violent melee targeting the Betelgeusian Diplomat who had just unleashed bloody murder on his Science Officer with his boot heel. "Commander Zervra?"
"Shit." Hikaru knocked the Diplomat aside with a blow to the head and fell on his injured Science Officer attempting to halt the blood-flow. It was too late. "Shit."
"Stick that bastard in a holding cell and get a medical team down here now." Hikaru Sulu looked up at the Excelsior security officer who had followed from the transporter room. "Now!"

Captain Sulu remained with Commander Zervra's body as Security and Medical arrived to pick up the pieces of this diplomatic incident.
Sulu swatted a pestering medic away. "I'm fine." Sulu got to his feet and was instantly plunged into darkness by a ship wide power outage revealing the Blood of Commander Zervra glowing in the dark Illuminating the walls, floors, ceiling, and Sulu. "I'll be on the Bridge."

Power flickered on stabilizing long enough to allow Sulu to ride the Turbolift to the Command deck.

"Anyone care to explain to me..." Hikaru Sulu sat down in the Captain's chair. "...why the power went out?"
"We just took a severe radiation pulse from the star." Lieutenant Commander M'kraj pulled herself away from the science consoles, her nose irritated by an unfamiliar scent. "Its collapsed the warp field."
The ship again plunged into darkness revealng Sulu to be a significant light source.
"Captain?" Lieutenant Commander M'kraj looked at her glowing captain. "You appear to be contaminated."
"Yes." Sulu nodded. "Commander Zervra was just attacked and killed by the Betelgeusian Ambassador."
"Mew?" M'kraj was overcome with the realization she had just been promoted to Commander as the news of the Commander's death drew the attention of the entire crew on the deck. "A blood-feud?"
"Who the hell knows." Sulu exhaled in distress watching M'kraj wipe a paw against her irritated nostrils. "Do we have impulse Commander M'kraj?"
"On occasion..." Power returned and M'kraj considered her options before issuing an order to the helmsman. "Get us over the Pole."

"Captain, The scent of Commander Zervra's blood is irritating me severely." M'kraj placed a paw on Sulu. "Go take a shower Hiraku."
Sulu collapsed to the deck.

 "Captain," M'kraj's growling roused Hikaru. "You are needed."
"What?" Sulu struggled to sit up. "What's the status?"
"Engineering reports ship should be fully operational," Sulu stared at M'kraj's flickering eyes. "Yet all systems continue to prove unresponsive."
"Light..." There was a definate glow coming from Beyond Sulu's field of vision. "...source?"
"Candle." M'kraj waved it into his field of view causing Sulu to flinch at the brightness. "Side-effect of exposure to Zervra's blood."
"And our guest down in holding?" Sulu placed the palm of his hand over his face and coughed. "How is the Ambassador doing?"
"Dead." M'kraj touched her fur paw to Sulu as the guilt of two deaths washed over him. "Decapitated by a filament incase you are feeling particularly guilty."
"Then..." Sulu Shook the cotton candy from his mind and focused on M'kraj. "Show me." 

"Would someone care to tell me..." Sulu looked at the decapitated corpse in the holding cell. "...why the Ambassador doesnt have a head?"

                              +

[Insert epic murder investigation here]

                              +

"You have..." Hikaru stared at the historically accurate Judiciary on the hover-throne. "Interfered in a criminal investigation."
"You have..." Q played with a metal dice cube in the palm of his hand as the human mumbled about meddling in Federation affairs. He had heard it from Picard. "Endangered lives." 
"Hikaru..." Sulu stared at the Alien Judiciary that had spent these last hours amusing itself with a simple murder investigation as it shouted his name across the courtroom. "Sulu."
"Perhaps you would like to poke me with your little sword." Hikaru found himself shirtless and holding the Katana lost several years earlier during an away mission. The Judiciary continued speaking down to him. "Hmmm...No?"
"I like you," Q tumbled the small metal cube off the end of his fingers before causing it to relocate from his hand to a position some distance from the Excelsior allowing it to expand to its full size. "But lets see how you do against the Borg."

"<We are the Borg.>klingon" Sulu, shirtless, and armed with his Katana found himself standing on the command deck of the Excelsior face to face with the new menace of a Klingon, deformed by strange technological enhancements speaking. "<Your biological and technological resources will be assimilated.>Romulan".
"Transwarp..." The Judge had just turned a Dragon loose to entertain the crowd. "Now!"